I came out to my psychology class today.
It’s only me, and a girl called Alex and my teacher, but still. It really affected me.
We started on learning the Eclectic Approach and we were discussing a template for the explanation of gender development, and Miss was stumbling over her words a bit, trying to be PC, and I chipped in with my knowledge and interest in the topic to help out, and we started talking about sexuality too.
I’ve always fantasised about doing something like that, that liberating thought that I think just tell someone. You deserve to have people know and respect you for how you are. Tell the world that this is you and you are not afraid. You know the drill.
The actual moment, of course is not as liberatingly fluffy or inspiring as it sounds. But with hindsight of course I don’t regret it. Even if people ask me awkward questions or start rumours or whatever negative could possibly come of it, I don’t care.
I thought - well why the hell not, I’m already on this train of thought, I may as well finish it. Starters ‘also another aspect which is interesting is asexuality..’ whatever I said, it was strong enough to go into a conversation about it. I felt a tad ashamed that she did not know what it was, being a psych teacher and all, but I started explaining.
It was all very heart-in-mouthy, adrenaline rushy type stuff, I remember looking down at my hands that were shaking. It was a very interesting discussion, she commended me on the amount of research I’d done, and we briefly discussed different types of attraction and then transgender folk, and then went back to the lesson.
Strange cause I didn’t feel amazingly liberated, I just felt cold, probably some type of shock, and then shivered through English (with another very interesting debate about generational anti-semitism and racism) and then pondered whether or not I was going to throw up. Then went to lunch and did not speak of it except inside my head for the rest of the day. Spent my entire free period doing a Spanish speaking paper on domestic violence, then turned up to my lesson and did my oral presentation instead. Which is pretty damned hard to enunciate 4 minutes of a complicated essay in Spanish with a sore throat. Quite entertaining though.
I haven’t managed to tell Kate all this yet. Shame on me, but it’s not exactly something that’s easy to bring up in everyday conversation, is it?